In
class writing
I improved
my thesis that I made more specific on the part activities. I change the
activities into two competitive and one noncompetitive, which is exactly the
school policy. Then, I corrected some of my grammar mistakes where made my
sentence seemed confused.
For
draft three, I think I should working on my second paragraph. I should add more
examples, or explain more about how activities make better health. Then, I
probably should add more in my conclusion that more general ideas and not my
thoughts to state and conclude my thesis and my main idea better.
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