Improvement for revision
Nina Yang
01/11/2015
Ms. Guarino
W&C III
For my final draft of the
food essay, there are several changes that I have to make to improve it. First
of all, I have to read it again to correct all my grammar mistakes in the
essay. For example, there might be spelling mistakes or comma splices in my
essay. It’s like the most crucial thing of writing. Although one’s content of
the writing is not amazing, he or she has a perfect grammar in their writings.
It makes the essay seems more professional than others.
Another important part for my
revising is to improve the content of my essay to make it read more attractive
and less boring. The ways to make it looks more interesting is to have less
simple sentence and more stories in my essay. Thus, when I explain the
tradition of the dumplings, I can add the story of how did dumplings was
invented, and how it relates to my family. Besides, the story of dumplings
relates to me can also makes my story readable.
Last but not the least, I
should working on my ending paragraph since it’s so short right now, and doesn’t
really wrap all my story up in order to conclude my points. Therefore, it’s necessary
for me to write something more in the final paragraph so that it can contains
my thesis and rest of the points in my essay.
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